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You Can Teach Self Control
"Self-discipline will be taught in my class by using mini-lessons throughout the year, and your children will become self-managers." I announced to the parents at the beginning of the school year. Then I explained my philosophy on how self-discipline impacts learning. By the end of the year, my students will have internalized skills enabling them to use conflict resolution, self-control, and make positive choices. My class runs like a well-oiled machine when this happens.
Students need full emotional tanks, so that any action by the teacher is taken as correcting the behavior and not addressed directly at the child. M. B. "Flip" Flippen and Associates say, "They don't care about what we know until they know that we care." The "Capturing Kids Hearts" program encourages greeting students each morning with a handshake, smile, and a positive comment (M. B. Flippen).
Teaching high school students was an eye-opener when I realized that these "older" kids didn't necessarily come with life skills needed for success. Being brilliant doesn't necessarily mean success. There are numerous examples of CEO's being led away in handcuffs, and famous celebrities sitting in the hot seat, because of impulsive decisions. Many extremely bright people are located in facilities where someone else has to "manage" their behavior. Behavior is choice-based and students can learn that there are cause and effects to their decisions. Learning to "think" about one's own actions is a teachable skill when approached on the student's level.
An article from Dr. James Dobson states, "Maybe one of the greatest gifts a loving teacher can contribute to an immature child, therefore, is to help her learn to sit when she feels like running, to raise her hand when she feels like talking, to be polite to her neighbor, to stand in line without smacking the kid in front, and to do English when she feels like doing soccer" (Dobson).
Many behavior workshops instruct the teacher how to manage the class, often using incentives, folders, and consequences. This works temporarily, but does not change behavior long term. Parents want their children learning to pay attention, show respect, have accountability, handle conflicts, and establish a work ethic. A note from a parent at the end of this year stated, "The knowledge from her book studies, and social learning from her peers will carry her strong and confident into the 4th grade." Parents and teachers must visualize the adult the child will someday become, and understand how these skills impact their future.
An example of this occurred with a child that consistently disrupted class, and blurted out. He had a dream of being a lawyer when he grew up. On one occasion when he was not cooperating, I spoke to him at eye level, and said, "You'll either be a lawyer, or you're going to need a lawyer." Enabling students to understand they have some control over the direction their lives may take became important . Many years later, that student told me he still planned to be a lawyer.
The first mini-lesson I approach with students is to teach "I messages." Write "I feel _____________ when you ___________," on the board and using volunteers, do some role- playing of situations where one student has offended another. Initially, when a student asks to give an "I message", supervise until they are quite capable of handling this themselves. Often, a student asks to give an "I message," and when they return it is usually resolved. This empowers those students who would normally be the "victims" to use positive assertiveness and handle conflicts. It teaches empathy, because the person on the receiving end of an "I message" often places themselves in the position of understanding how the other person feels.
Another mini-lesson is to teach listening skills. Write "Active/Passive Listening" on the board, and then explain the difference between the them. Use examples, such as, passive listeners are spacing out, on a beach with feet in the sand, or just plain daydreaming, whereas, active listeners "tune in" and repeat in their heads what is being said. Then inform students that it is time to "TUNE IN" to station 101.9 Aitken Station. During the lesson, stop and pause to ask a student to repeat in their own words what they heard. If they can not do so, remind them to change the station and tune in. Doing this on a regular basis helps students to actually learn to "tune in" and understand how listening skills work. It is also a non-threatening way of making it fun to listen. Sometimes, they will turn imaginary knobs on their foreheads to get the right station.
Teachers often complain of lazy students, and are horrified by their quality of work. Work ethic is another mini-lesson. Again, students need to be able to make connections in order for it to be personal. Write "WORK ETHIC" on the board and explain this means how a person applies themselves to the task at hand. Then share humorous short stories of having brain surgery done by the doctor who cheated his way through college, or taking your car to the mechanic who does a "rush job" so he can get to lunch early. Students share their thoughts on this too. We all have the power to change, and need to "think" about whether or not that "sloppy copy" represents us before we turn it in. Caring about your work, taking pride in it, and nailing down great habits results in a strong work ethic. Use reminders, such as, "Are you hard at work, or hardly working?" to help students understand that there is a time to work and a time to play. A clear message, high expectations, and humor create motivation for changing poor habits.
Self-control enables students to not disrupt class, or talk when a lesson is being taught. Students accept an approach to self-control when a game is used to teach this skill. I use the table contest with a planet theme to teach an awareness of talkativeness.At the beginning of a lesson announce that "Planet Contest is on!" and during this time the students need to raise hands. Students can self-assess after the game is over. With perserverance, and consistancy the students realize that it is about "Good kid/poor choice – let's work on the choices." Accountability of a person's actions is shown when they accept responsibilty for themselves. When a student verbalizes that they made a "poor choice" it shows that they are accepting responsibility for their actions. Learning from the choice is a step towards self-management. Classes run like well-oiled machines when students are managing their own behavior.
Works Cited
Dobson, Dr. James (July 29, 1998)"Specific Behaviors Identify ADD, ADHD" Hill Country Recorder, Boerne TX.
Flippen, M. B. (1998) Capturing Kids' Hearts. College Station, Texas: M. B. Flippen & Associates.
Karen Aitken lives in Boerne, Texas where she is currently teaching 3rd grade. She has been teaching for 10years in a variety of grade levels from High School, 2nd grade, 4th grade and a year teaching Social Skills for K-5th. She is a grandmother of a wonderful child named Skylar. Her email is Karen.aitken@boerne-isd.net.
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